A Communication Skill to Melt Your Lover's Heart in 10 Seconds or Less
9 Steps to Better Communication Today
Learn to say what you mean. We've heard the jokes about intent versus actual dialogue -- when she says "this" she really means that -- or, "what he's really trying to tell you is " Those jokes are funny because of how often they're true. Sometimes we expect our partner to understand our. 6 Oct The most popular myth about communication in relationships is that since you talk to your partner, you're automatically communicating. While talking to your partner is indeed a form of communication, if it's primarily about everyday, “ surfacey” topics (“How were the kids?” “How was work?” “How's your. It's no great secret that communication is an important part of any relationship. What's less understood is how to be a good communicator and just how beneficial building good communication habits into your relationship can be. And while there's no single, simple solution for making this happen, there are a few key.
Are you having trouble talking about your feelings with someone you love? Does your partner run the other way any time you bring up your feelings? If so, this may be good news for you: According to recent research, talking about your feelings is not the only—or even necessarily the best—way for couples to maintain healthy, happy and successful relationships. I have written a lot about how hard it can be to talk about feelings. As I wrote in my last postif you have difficulty communicating your feelings, you're not alone.
Here are 6 ways to improve emotional communication and deepen your relationship, without ever even mentioning "the F Word" feelings:. You may think talking about a TV show or even the weather is far from connecting emotionally, but these supposedly insignificant details are actually more likely to improve your close emotional ties to your partner than a so-called "deep" discussion of your feelings.
In those tiny details, Sullivan believed, could be found clues to who a person is.
I wrote about this in an earlier postand in my book, Daydreaming: Unlock the Creative Power of Your Mind. Bored when your partner recounts the details of a plumbing problem or the movie he or she watched last night?
Maybe it really feels like too much information. You may feel like asking for tiny details will seem rude, intrusive, or critical. A recent study published in Psychological Science found that we feel closer to others when we can talk about experiences we have in common. I have found, for example, that couples having relationship difficulties can take a first step to repairing a rupture by talking about their children, especially if they can be encouraged to speak of pleasant moments or cute incidents.
Directly laying out your thoughts eliminates resentment and confusion about your motives. Text messages, letters and emails can be misinterpreted. But psychologists agree that using "I" statements are far more effective and cause less tension. Was it how your partner spoke or something they did?
Of course, since many conflicts occur around the rearing of families, you will have to be careful not to bring up moments that will trigger further discord. But even if something you say does start a conflict, you can find a shared moment by recognizing that you were both trying to figure out the best solution for a child that you love.
These shared experiences do not have to be in words.
A second study reported in Psychological Science showed that words are not necessary for the shared feelings to improve a relationship. Just doing something at the same time—riding bikes, watching a movie, or eating dessert, intensifies both pleasant and unpleasant experiences.
Text messages, letters and emails can be misinterpreted. Can you see where this is going? Unhealthy verbal communication often starts not with words but with negative thoughts or difficult emotions. And try not to judge what you hear. Respect her and her decisions.
If a picture is worth a thousand words, a tiny action can be worth even more. Or if one or both of you are not the hand-holding type, simply stand so that some small part of your body makes contact, even if only for a few seconds. These are times when talking about the experience can actually destroy the moment of intimacy. Just share it in silence.
Knowing that you are being heard is one of the experiences most likely to cement a feeling of connection to another.
Interestingly, active listening can also involve interruptions for clarification or even disagreements. If you interrupt, be sure to ask permission. Then ask something that is clearly related to clarifying what your partner is telling you.
How Can We Communicate Better?
If you disagree with the overall concept or with their handling of a situation, wait until they have finished talking before you express disagreement. But if you are not sure that they have accurately described something, you can ask for more clarification—without accusing them of lyingof course. Go back to numbers 1 and 2 on this list. Simply spending time together doing unimportant and supposedly meaningless activities—reading Ways To Communicate With Your Partner paper, listening to music, watching TV, or doing laundry—is far more important to the health of a relationship than talking about feelings.
It may even be more important than talking at all. Psychological Science December vol. Driver and John M. Family Process Volume 43, Issue 3, pages —, September Article first published online: It's true that talking about feelings is seldom fruitful bcoz nobody has the patience to ask where it's stemming from.
About John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
But if we have the patience and mindfulness to just share our experiences, we might as well have enough willingness to ask "why" if our partner is feeling in a certain way Nobody actually cares to listen. Are you having problems with your lover? I have been in same situation with the father of my kids and was worried when he was seeing another lady outside our wedlock. With my depression and anger, i went online to search for solutions when i stormed across a testimony regarding my Ways To Communicate With Your Partner problems at home, i contacted this great man, who confined and Ways To Communicate With Your Partner me that i will be reunited with my husband with 48hrs of his prayer section, Behold, My husband came home after 2days, apologizing to me and the kids for his negligence and uncaring attitude towards us, He has been the perfect man i have married 15years ago, he has an unending love click at this page his family and i have been his pet and major priority everyday.
Do contact this great prophet today for solution to your problems Via: Get Listed on Psychology Today. New research reveals better ideas to maintain successful relationships.
I'm going to have to hook up with a therapist. Regular people don't listen. Post Comment Your name. E-mail The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
How To Argue With Your Partner
Notify me when new comments are posted. Replies to my comment. I Know How You Feel: You are reading Off the Couch. Trauma and attachment theory offer hope when you can't just walk away.
Psychology can help bring our private beliefs into the public forum. Betrayed by Your Best Friend? What Makes an Intimate Relationship Intimate? Are You a Target of Blame for a Narcissist?