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Why Men Cheat on Women They Love

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17 Aug 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' is TRUE: Scientists reveal those who have been unfaithful will do it again - because their brains become immune to lying. People who have been Research suggests if a person has cheated in a relationship in the past they are far more likely to do it again (file photo). 14 Aug Being cheated on is not only an awful feeling — it can totally destroy your relationship. 'Once A Cheater Always A Cheater' May Be True, New Study Finds It's hard to bounce back from, but it turns out that if your partner has cheated in previous relationships, then science wants you to be extra careful. Promises alone do not prevent future acts of cheating (see once a cheater). And when cheating gets discovered, spouses who have been cheated on have to decide if they should give their partners a second chance. Often, spouses who have been cheated on want promises and guarantees that it will never happen again.

The problem is it's too simple and fails to appreciate the complexity of why people cheat in the first place, let alone predicting whether or not they are capable of betraying you again - an important question to ask if you are a victim of infidelity.

Help Getting Over Cheating in a Relationship

The psychology of infidelity is actually quite complex, much more than the current moralistic conversation about it where people are "good", "bad" or "flawed", therefore dismissed as damaged goods. Pundits and gurus abound offering their take on "can I ever trust him again" or "how to affair proof your relationship", but too often good intentioned advice misses the real issue. You see the question is not "Can I ever trust him again"?

The first question is an unanswerable one as trusting your partner following an affair has more to do with YOU and how YOU choose to respond to being betrayed.

My Names is sophie mia from London,UK. He will not disappoint you. Start making yourself happy right now and gain your happiness back second by second. It's too much of a reminder. I hope God gives me the opportunity to many more years with him!

The second question is much more interesting, and if If A Man Cheats Once Will He Cheat Again correctly, more likely to keep you safe if you decide to heal and evolve together following an affair.

Every affair tells a story and although it is true that the story has something to do with the state of a relationship where betrayal takes place, what's more true is that infidelity tells an important story about who the unfaithful partner is - the state of their own psyche and soul; whether they click at this page even suitable for a real relationship with anyone with the bandwidth to actually love.

Infidelity always has a purpose to it, although most often that purpose is not known or understood, and must be, in order to really answer the questions around "Once a cheater, always a cheater". All behavior is purposeful and people don't do anything without a reason for doing it. Your source is to become your own "personal psychologist" and ask the right questions about the right issues to arrive at your own truth about keeping yourself safe in a relationship with someone who has betrayed you.

I'm here to help you do that because I am uniquely qualified. I'm an adulterer who happens to be a licensed clinician and willing to tell the truth about why I chose to have an affair. I have an expertise in the "psychology of infidelity", not from a text book or social media platform, but from living the excruciating pain of having an affair that resulted in a divorcegrowing up and searching my own soul for the answers to "why I did it", and earning the trust and affections of the woman I betrayed again resulting in a magical reconciliation where we just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary Go to www.

I am going to tell you the "reasons" that contributed to my choice to be unfaithful,and then offer you a context to help you decide for yourself what motivates people to have an affair. My goal is to empower you with choices you may not know you have as you chart your own relationship path.

I believed that the rules didn't apply to me: Being a licensed clinician gave me more excuses and rationalizations to hide behind. The arrogance of having answers for everyone else allowed me to hide from the truth that if you don't show up and ask for what you want in a relationship, you give up the right to expect having it.

I expected a lot and didn't show up by being emotionally absent which set the marriage up to be unfulfilling and fail. I confused significance and self-worth with certainty and success: I became a workaholic believing that Julie loved me only because of what I could provide her with allowing anger and entitlement, a dangerous alchemy fueling my acting out, to justify the erosion of boundaries and values giving rise to my affair.

Will He Cheat Again? The Surprising Answer

Without boundaries and a value base to live from, anyone is capable of having an affair. I made up that my wife was the cause of my unhappiness and disappointment in our marriage: I felt sorry for myself and blamed Julie for why I was so unfulfilled; once you convince yourself you're a victim of something, you can justify anything. That belief alone allowed me to have an affair with impunity, almost a right, to find happiness with another - after all, "I had done so much and got back so little from my marriage".

Affair psychology is delusional! I was an accomplished liar: Men have an uncanny and dangerous ability to compartmentalize their lives such that one part doesn't recognize the other. In this split, dissociative state, I rationalized everything including the creation of the two worlds I relished in calling it "complexity", convinced myself I was being taken advantage of by Julie, and source had the right to find happiness "as long as no one knows so no one gets hurt".

So I did, under the self-deception of protecting her failing to see that the deception in an affair is where most of the pain is.

Without integrity life simply doesn't work. I confused sexual attraction and fantasy for love: Early in life, I learned to use sex as a drug and means of escape where I could nurture myself and soothe the chaos of an abusive childhood. When confronted with parallel lives, a child-focused marriage and the perceived neglect and lack of appreciation I felt in our marriage, I turned to strip clubs and pornography as a cure that only made things worse.

A real relationship can never compete with a fantasy, and sexual attraction isn't love.

Why Men Cheat on Women They Love

I confused an experience of excitement and novelty with a person I called my "soul mate" and chased that person as if they were the source of feeling alive.

Affairs are not real relationships; they're fantasies on speed built on deception that cannot stand the light of day. I didn't take responsibility for my mental health. To love someone requires that we grow up, rise above our wounds, and take responsibility for what we need as adults. I failed to manage my depressionsomething I struggled with since childhood, evolve beyond my family of origin ghosts, and attend to my mental health needs. By not doing the necessary work to just click for source and heal, I never matured into someone capable of giving and receiving mature love.

Intimacywhat I claimed to want and crave, was actually not something I was capable of, yet I blamed the marriage and Julie for "denying it to me", further reinforcing my sense of entitlement to get that need met somewhere else.

While there is never a sufficient "explanation" excusing why someone is unfaithful, there is always a reason with a purpose for why affairs happen. Failing to understand what those reasons are robs you of the opportunity to learn from the experience, your best response to it, and can remove the chance to save a marriage ravaged from its effects.

The purpose of every affair is often as unique as the personalitylife history, beliefs, values, needs and relationship dynamics of the person being unfaithful, and for that reason, I dismiss pithy overly simplistic explanations that try to answer complex questions through 3-step programs. The answer to "why they did it"?

And "will they do it again"? All affairs are not equal although all are devastating. After searching my own soul for several years, and now walking that same journey with If A Man Cheats Once Will He Cheat Again trying to answer their own questions about being unfaithful with people around the visit web page, here's what I've learned about "why people have affairs" and the truth about misguided advice like "Once a cheater, always a cheater".

Here, the "purpose" of an affair is romanticism gone awry where the need erroneously being met is to feel something you convince yourself is missing in your primary relationship assuming it now exists exclusively in your affair partner, the most unlikely place for it. I call this affair pattern the "Soul-Mate Trap" where people confuse an "object" the affair partnerwith an "experience" the feelings you get from being with a new personcollapsing them into a narrow reality they call "a soul mate", based on a fantasy made up of fiction and emotions on speed.

The pursuit of a "soul mate", as justification for choosing to have an affair, is the desperate attempt to find what is incomplete and missing in you. It is a plea for connection, wholeness, and getting "that loving feeling" again using the fantasy you create with an affair partner to bring you back to life. While damaging and hurtful, these affairs are often the most responsive to good help, great boundaries and sincere healing efforts.

Once they "wake up" assuming they decide to grow up, the prognosis is good that you get an evolved partner who is much more aware and awake to themselves and their relationship, as well as motivated to keep those relationships healthy from ever going there again.

Stick with it, work with a competent therapist and do your homework to grow and design a new relationship with more transparency and higher standards for both partners.

What does this leave us all with?? You'd probably laugh but I can barely stand to read entertainment headlines on the Twilight movie star's affair. In April I just had that "feeling" somtthing was wrong so after a little detective work I found out he has been talking to another female.

All affairs are not created equal and not all people can be faithful. Fortunately, continue reading next affair type If A Man Cheats Once Will He Cheat Again typically the minority of actual affairs that occur in marriages, yet they are the ones that get the most attention because of the press celebrity infidelity garners in our society. Serving needs that are skewed, distorted, and often unconscious rooted in family of origin wounds never dealt with.

These affairs have everything to do with the unfaithful partner and little to do with those they betray. In other words, you can be in what by all accounts is a "great relationship" e.

Ask Maria Shriver about Arnold and the affair will still happen leaving betrayed partners very confused and blaming themselves or their relationships for failing to meet the needs of people who are really "black holes" where nothing real will ever suffice to meet their needs. Plagued by a diminished capacity to love or emotionally connect, flagrant disregard for others, hedonistically self-indulgent and feeling justified in doing so, these folks don't have a core or solid sense of Self.

They use relationship as a means for filling up a deep psychological void created by either the absence of nurturing and love in childhood for which they are compensating for in adulthood, or were objectified themselves as children, and sometimes adults celebrities, politicians, pro atheletes highly indulged and given special privileges and treatment in exchange for the worship of family, friends and caregivers.

The most damaged souls amongst us can also be the most charming, however, their lack of remorse cannot take responsibility alongside their inability to see, understand or recognize the pain they cause the betrayed no empathy is a tell-tale sign you are dealing with an antisocial personality disorder or " sociopath ".

The purpose of an affair here is simple: Philanderers are love addicts who have such low self-esteem they need the attention and constant experience of "new love" to feel alive and worthwhile, more info Sex Addicts do not feel much of anything unless an orgasm is involved so they confuse sexual attraction for real love engaging in compulsive rituals that often involve infidelity in desperate attempts to jump start their numb existence.

This affair "type" only gets better with a lot of commitment to recovery and lots of therapy which many in this category refuse to subject themselves to. Absent treatment by qualified mental health professionals, a robust accountability system and serious commitment to heal, grow and evolve, these "types" are unfit for relationship with anyone except maybe a gold fish!

Many have had poor relationship role models and examples, have acquired lousy coping skills, and despite the Oprah effect, are pretty ill equipped to succeed in proportion to what we expect to receive from love and relationships. Sometimes, it isn't bad people with bad morals, but rather, just people overwhelmed and under-resourced to such a degree they do really stupid things like have affairs doing more damage than if they simply dealt with the negative feelings fueling their poor choices.

These are immature, un-evolved If A Man Cheats Once Will He Cheat Again who blame others instinctively and tend to see the source of their troubles originating in things outside of them, versus where they are - in how they think about and relate to the world around them.

That said, people can learn and grow up, therefore change, and with the right support and new strategies, more adaptive ways to be with a partner can happen leading to healthier relationships if both are willing to work at it.

The "common cold" of modern marriage is de-vitalization where the friendship tanks, both people take each other for granted, one person focuses on the kids, the other the careerparallel lives ensue and you stop meeting one another's needs slowly euthanizing the soul of the relationship leaving both partner's numb and dead to one another.

The "purpose" of This web page Neglect Affairs is to feel alive again, but in the wrong place; trying to find fulfillment with an affair partner not happening because they're based on fantasies and fantasies don't last! Here, you typically find good people who are "staying for the kids" or some other seemingly "good" motive who are using an affair as a very maladaptive way of coping with very real dissatisfaction in their marriage.

You choke on tasks and are overwhelmed by responsibilities you feel alone and unappreciated for doing. The problem is you live in a state of perpetual disconnect - while you are doing many of the right things you become "roommates", not passionate lovers, and the thought of existing this way the rest of your days especially if you're over 40 scares the hell out of you making you a prime candidate for an affair!

Women are likely to believe that their infidelity is justified if it's for love; men are likely to believe their infidelity is justified if it's NOT for love. In both cases, needs not met in the primary relationship that is neglected are being met through an emotional affair eventually sexual almost always justified on the basis of "we're just friends".

People have affairs to experience an emotional connection that they feel is lacking in their primary relationship. They stray in search of someone who pays attention to their feelings and encourages meaningful learn more here be it "emotional" female pattern or "sexual" male pattern citing a need for "friendship" as the culprit. Sad, in that there is typically a lot of love in these relationships and ironic that it is so misdirected that it often leads to unnecessary divorces after being ravaged by an affair.

Inverse priorities are the problem here where the sexual and emotional needs of the adults are relegated to last place and where the focus of time, energy and attention goes exclusively to the kids or "family".

The purpose of the affair is a misguided attempt to satisfy legitimate longings in very illegitimate ways undermining everything really important to both partners. The good news, if there can be any in this If A Man Cheats Once Will He Cheat Again, is that Benevolent Neglect Affairs have more to do with bad priorities than bad character. Misdirected energy can be leveraged and focused in the direction of an anemic relationship in need of care, nurturance and being first for a change making survivability of a marriage after an affair quite possible in these situations.

If A Man Cheats Once Will He Cheat Again

So, "Once a cheater always a cheater" is really a defense mechanism and it too has a purpose: To protect you from getting hurt by never trusting anyone again. Instead, get smart by understanding what drives someone to betray and determining the "purpose" of the affair. For Julie and I, it was in the ashes of our marriage where that purpose was discovered, and together, we made new meaning and determined to grow together from it For more information go to www. No I wont and I don't agree with the statement that cheater always cheats.

I cheated because I was terribly unhappy and felt I was stuck in the relationship. Cheating was just temporary fix for me.

If A Man Cheats Once Will He Cheat Again

Once I got of the relationship, I never cheated again. Piss poor excuse, Bet you cheated since you typed that note with that attitude. Well, bully for you! Once you "got out of the relationship" you never cheated again. Never mind you destroyed the person you cheated on.