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[Advice] Hooking up: expectations of someone with cold sores?? : Tinder

5 Jun When you imagine the when and the where of how you might have contracted oral herpes—the kind that causes those painful, hard-to-hide cold sores around your mouth—you probably picture one of three scenarios. A middle-school game of spin the bottle, a horny high-school hookup, or a drunk night out. I've always mentioned it, and no one has ever cared. My sense is that the vast majority of people already have oral herpes and don't think of it as something that needs to be mentioned in connection with sexual health. Whether that's right or wrong, I don't know, but I do think you are making more of this than. 7 Dec And people who've "only gotten a cold sore once" can pass herpes on to others even if they don't have visible sores or symptoms at the time. This is . I'm bitter that my friend with the Abreva in his medicine cabinet doesn't feel that same sense of dread every time he sees an old hookup hit up his phone.

When do you tell someone you've got oral herpes? August 10, 8: Basically about four years ago I got diagnosed with oral herpes, HSV1. Never Hookup Someone Who Has Oral Herpes one fever blister. Now I was positive for it and I went to a specialist. So for the next two months I went to an immunologist who had me on valtrex because he was having a hard time telling whether I was also positive for HSV2 or whether it was just a cross reactive thing.

At the end of two months they figured that something else I was on was interfering with the test. They took me off and there was no more cross reactivity.

I asked if this meant I should change the dosage on the valtrex. The doc said that I should stop taking it. My specialist said with HSV1 it was no big deal and not worth the prescription.

I went to my GP for a second opinion. Is this something you disclose to a partner? His opinion was even more cavalier than the immunologist. His only admonitions were about condom use. So I went about my life. I had a few relationships. And going down on her did an oral to genital Hookup Someone Who Has Oral Herpes. We broke up and it shook me for a while. It shook me pretty hard. But immediately after, I ended up going back to an ex who I knew had HSV1 and I think I stayed with her for the next six months as a default position just to not have to face dating other people and trying to figure out how to deal with this.

Unfortunately we were just as wrong for each other the second time check this out broke up again.

I Miss Giving My HSV Positive Partner Oral... Is There Anything I Can Do?

When is a good time to tell someone this? After the first date? Before the first kiss? Do I stop performing oral sex? I think the big problem is not just telling people but having to educate them. If you tell someone you have oral herpes, they will probably not think it's that big of a deal if there's no cold sore present, and they may have no idea that they can contract a genital infection from it.

Is it your place to make sure they are thoroughly educated about the risks, or to simply disclose? The situation was probably go here scarring for you as it was for your ex, and I'm glad you're starting to get over it a little bit.

I think you should definitely tell people before you have sex with them, but as for kissing and incidental stuff, I wouldn't go overboard if I were you.

Recently I refilled a woman's water glass at a restaurant and she immediately told me that she had HSV1 and that if I touched her glass, I should go wash my hands immediately.

Her husband and kids didn't bat an eye, apparently this is everyday behavior for her and no, she didn't have any visible sores or anything. I Hookup Someone Who Has Oral Herpes you can probably strike a better balance than she did.

Would you go out with someone who has Herpes?

Maybe a kiss is an acceptable risk. But evaluating what is an acceptable risk is not your choiceit's the choice of the person you're kissing. Which sucks for you. But better to lose out on kisses than go through the guilt and remorse you'll feel, and bad life choices you'll make "I stayed with her for the next six months as a default position just to not have to face dating other people and trying to figure out how to deal with this" if you again inadvertently infect a partner with an incurable disease.

If you have sex with someone, you have a responsibility to disclose any and all potential sexually transmitted diseases they may incur. It sucks so much.

I have heard of women getting HSV on here because the guy slipped article source condom off, so you could still be at risk for everything else too. The first question that may come to mind if one is unfortunate enough to contract oral or genital herpes is: Doing so can spread the disease to other parts of the body. Herpes is very misunderstood and yet there are several different strains of herpes, the most common types are oral herpes, caused by herpes simlex 1 that can be transmitted by oral sex since they Hookup Someone Who Has Oral Herpes cold sores or fever blisters and gential herpes, which is very contagious and is caused by herpes simplex 2. You lick a toy that's already been licked; a kid touches another kid's mouth that has spittle on it and then touches their own.

It is the shittiest thing in the world. But oftentimes, honesty earns a deeper and more awesome relationship than anything else. If we all just told each other the truth, then maybe things could get back to normal, maybe we could start treating std's like we treat every other sickness. What a horror story - I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

My Peer Health Educator days are over a decade behind me, but back then they told us to tell our peers at sexy and fun dormitory workshops! I wouldn't worry at all about kissing, and if you let a girl know before going down on her that you have had cold sores in the past and could possibly be sheddding explain the whole deal, the fact that "cold sore" is a euphemism, that fact that the oral herpes virus can be transmitted to the genitals, etc.

I'm not sure why the doctor told you to get off Valtrex--it Hookup Someone Who Has Oral Herpes against both types of herpes. The problem is the literature surrounding herpes is a lot like the literature surrounding HPV. The disease itself isn't fully understood, transmission and infection rates aren't predictable or consistent between studies, it's difficult to tell if someone is "active" or not or infected or not the blood tests don't give the full pictureand literature on prevention and severity of infection range from "This is the worst STD ever next to AIDS, ever" and "Everybody has it and it's totally not a problem so chillax, dude!

Because some people can have it and for whatever reason never transmit it to their partners, and others will transmit it to their partners but Hookup Someone Who Has Oral Herpes partners won't have an outbreak, and some will transmit it and their partners will have an outbreak.

And because for so long doctors thought only one type of herpes occurred orally and only one type occurred genitally--which we now know to not be the case--that adds extra confusion to transmission rates. You are in the unfortunate position of being caught in all of this confusion, with doctors telling you to chillax, but you giving your partners terrible outbreaks, and never having an outbreak yourself.

I think the safest thing to do is go on the Valtrex, and tell your partners before you kiss. It is a terribly shitty road to take but it is the high road.

Also--Ken Dahl has written a great comic series called Monsters about his own article source of herpes and how he deal with transmitting it to partners and disclosure and shame and whatnot.

Hookup Someone Who Has Oral Herpes

You can get it here or here and possibly other places, those are just the first few Google results. Warning, he's only through issue 3 so things are still pretty depressing. But what I read in the comics echoes a lot of the same things you're going through so it may be comforting in a way. Assuming I am not infected, I would very much like a fighting chance at staying that way. FWIW, if you were conscientious enough to have that conversation with me, I would think this web page, what a caring guy," not " wow, what an overprotective freak.

Again, yay for informed consent. Definitely tell them before there's any possibility of mouth-to-genital contact. Personally, I tend to think it's optimal for both partners to get a basic slate of STD tests before any mouth-to-genital or genital-to-genital contact. However, I don't think it's necessary to tell them before kissing.

Visit web page think we, as a society, have decided not to be too worried about oral transmission of HSV1. If you want to go above and beyond the call of duty, or if your partner seems especially worried about disease, then disclose before locking lips. But it doesn't seem reasonable to expect that, given that your prospective partner is just as likely to get infected the next week by sharing a slice of cheesecake with a couple of her best friends.

I think we, as a society, have decided not to be too worried about oral transmission of HSV1 "We", white man? I do this because I have a horror of inadvertently giving an STD to a partner. Which I note the OP also did: But my body, my choice.

Please don't make that choice for me. Just a reminder that the OP is asking "when", not "if". Definitely before oral contact. But I wouldn't do it right I off the bat. If there is going to be a kiss at the end of the first date, I would look for a time where you are sharing personal information that is of a more intimate nature.

But if there is no kiss, I would wait for the second date. That way Hookup Someone Who Has Oral Herpes won't seem as overwhelming. You're getting a huge amount of incorrect information here. You probably got HSV1 as a child or infant. You lick a toy that's already been licked; a kid touches another kid's mouth that has spittle on it Hookup Someone Who Has Oral Herpes then touches their own.

I think we, as a society, have decided not to be too worried about oral transmission of HSV1 "We", white man? Basically about four years ago I got diagnosed with oral herpes, HSV1. Its amazing just how many people have herpes.

You source one primary outbreak when you were tiny and have never had one since, just like most people. Meaning you don't have any sores. You're still shedding virus. My limited reading on the subject suggests there's definitely less evidence for Valtrex for HSV-1 transmissions, most of the data is on HSV This sounds like a total nightmare.

On the one hand you've got a really common minor disease which the majority of people over 30 share yet don't know about.

Disclosing cold sores (oral herpes HSV-1) to potential partners before kissing?

On the other hand you obviously don't want to spread it to anybody else that doesn't have it. It's got to be a bit of a mood killer though explaining you have herpes before even going for a kiss I don't have to more info advice apart from I feel for you!

Hope it works out. Another non-infected person chiming in to say that I'd want to be told before the kiss. If you aren't brave enough to do that, you'd better tell future partners before oral sex. Also, you should tell make-out partners if you have a cold, too. Just for the record, are you sure you gave her genital herpes?

Might you have given her oral herpes? And might she have already had it and it just had an outbreak at an inconvenient time? For the "definitely disclose" people, I'm wondering this: After working in a doctor's office for many years, I can tell you that people getting tested for Herpes is exceedingly rare, so the percentage of people who know they are asymptomatic carriers is very small.

Hookup Someone Who Has Oral Herpes