What To Do If She Has A Boyfriend BUT You Want Her
9 Dec Yes: If you feel like cheating, read this. Then, if you're really ready to do it with someone else and don't care if your current relationship ends over it, perhaps it is time to break up before you hook up. No: Okay, so you know you don't want to risk a breakup, but you're still grappling with an attraction to. 2 Jul I actually totally believe that you can screw up, feel terrible about it, and never make that mistake again. But there's something about your question that makes me think you're not confident it won't happen again. I don't know. Maybe it's just my Jedi Spider Sense. Should you tell him? Would you want to be. At the end of the day, you were on a break so you cannot hold him to anything, however, the fact that he did has every right to affect how you now feel about him. If you felt that you could not hook up with someone else on the break suggests that you two may think about the relationship differently. Address it with him if need.
AskMen, The guy I am seeing but not officially 'with' slept with someone else on holidays - Where do I go from here? Apologies if this is the wrong subreddit to ask this or if there is a 'wall of text' relatively new to posting.
I 19 have been seeing said guy 21 for roughly a month - when i say 'seeing' or 'dating' I mean heading in the direction of a ltr just to clarify not 'openly dating'.
He became increasingly distant the week before he left for his 10 day holiday. Figured he was doing the usual 'pull away see how she reacts thing' Not implying all guys do this.
I did briefly mention to him that I noticed how he was suddenly treating me. I decided to leave it be and not text him. He obviously went on holidays and currently still is I got greeted by a lovely post in my newsfeed between him and another girl about there "night on the beach" and "biting each other".
I'm unfortunately not completely stupid. Now obviously as he is essentially 'single' yes as we agreed we shouldn't jump straight in - I can't justify being angry.
Although the other half Tell Him You Are Hookup Someone Else me is thinking If he actually gave a shit - he wouldn't of done so. I have been racking my brain as to how to even react when he gets back now - he has no idea I know and I have only received a few random snapchats while he has been gone. Essentially I have a few of his things at my place - should i just drop them off without explanation? Not overly relevant but I forgot to mention we have been acquaintances for years but never really got to know each other well.
So I didn't just meet him a month ago and expect a full on relationship straight up. He knows my dating past etc and I know his. Also to clarify, when I say acquaintances - I mean knowing of each other, and saying no more then "hey". Don't want to anymore? Then just tell him you're not interested in seeing him again and drop off your things.
You're entitled to however you feel about this. Maybe you're annoyed, maybe you feel profoundly betrayed. Theres no wrong answer. But you do need to accept there wasn't exclusivity established, and let go of the choices he made if you still want to pursue a relationship. Its OK to express to him however hurt you are, but you need to own that and be clear that you're telling him how you feel so he understands, not to hold him responsible for it.
If you didn't want that to happen, you needed to talk about that beforehand. Honestly askmen has great answers. Sometimes it's brutal and the person who asks the question deletes their account immediately. But it's always the "right" answer. Didn't say that they did. Merely saying 'females' look at things differently to men, not that genders all the think the same way.
You can't get angry at him for sleeping with someone else, but it doesn't mean you have to be be happy about it and continue to see him if it makes you uncomfortable. You're free to break up with him for any reason you want. Maybe it was clear you wanted exclusivity, maybe it wasn't. But either way that's obviously not ok with you so call it off.
If a guy doesn't ask you to be his girl friend, you are not his girl friend. If sleeping with you requires that you be his gf you need to communicate that, otherwise you really dont have a leg to stand on, he pulled a dick move I think, but he isnt really obligated to be faithful to you especially after only a month.
I definitely agree with you. Thats my problem I realise I have no right to be angry but it did upset me - obviously. My confusion is really based on the thought that if you were genuinely interested in someone, would you do please click for source like that? You nailed it on the head, you can be upset, and you are not obligated to continue any contact with this guy.
If he was interested in a ltr with you I doubt he would bang someone on vacation then facebook it. If he was interested, I would avoid him that kind of behaviour is a red flag. I most definately wouldn't. I'f i was in a situation where i thought there might be a future with Tell Him You Are Hookup Someone Else girl, i'd keep my dick source my pants untill it's been figured out.
For me that's the only reasonable and right thing to do. I say move on. Taking any opportunity to have some casual sex before the exclusive boundaries are laid down and you settle in for the serious relationship, I would assume. If that were the case I would still be for the person I'm Tell Him You Are Hookup Someone Else a LTR with but I would then be spending some time fulfilling my needs say, on holiday.
The fact that he slept with another girl on vacation doesn't tell me he's not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. The fact that he posted about it on Facebook does. Out of all the posts so far I agree with this the most. I know I'm not a guy, but if I'm not exclusive with someone, I'll still hook up with other people if the opportunity arises, even if I like that other person waay more.
However I would never ever advertise that fact to them link case they respond like OP. I would be not want to give any impression that I am disinterested or more interested in someone else. If he were genuinely interested he would be more invested in general and wouldn't feel like sleeping with someone else.
That and he pulled away right before so it was pre planned. But not everyone is like me in a lot of ways. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing necessarily though. Could be a few things that I can see myself.
What To Do If She Has A Boyfriend BUT You Want Her
Maybe he doesn't think you're interested in him further than this so he's distancing himself. Maybe he just isn't interested in more right now or with you in particular, not to say he doesn't like you necessarily but maybe just not for a relationship. Or maybe he just likes to sleep around and keep his options open.
Maybe it's none of those. Best thing you can do is ask him about exclusivity and go from there.
Don't accuse him of anything though. As the other person said, you really don't have a leg to stand on right now with assming it shouldn't have been done. Focus on what you want to happen from here on. You have every right to how you feel. However, you seem like you have a solid enough head on your shoulder that you aren't going to accuse him of breaking a promise that was never made, or anything.
Personally, if a guy is working to set up a relationship with someone, they don't do one last frolic in the sand with someone else.
She cannot tell him he's a dick because he's not a dick. That sounds like it might be really difficult for you. The guy in this scenario only avoids fault when he has no idea that she wants an exclusive relationship, meaning he would have had to have asked, and she would have had to have not answered honestly.
If you're not comfortable with how things went down, that's fine. You have every right to be angry. Don't beat yourself up for the way you're feeling. Almost anyone would feel the same way put in your position. As for what you should do, that's up to you. If you want to continue the relationship, it is imperative that you talk about Tell Him You Are Hookup Someone Else.
Letting things simmer in the back of your mind without talking about them is a good way to torpedo a relationship, which is supposed to be based on trust. If you want to end the relationship, I don't think anyone could blame you. Either way, though, I do think you should talk about it. No, almost anyone would recognize that there's no betrayal in not keeping a promise that was never made in the first place.
He is not the one who is wrong here. I'm not assigning blame to anyone. I'm simply recognizing that her feelings are valid.
Miscommunication is a common trope in any relationship, monogamous or otherwise. There's no need to vilify either party. Instead, it's more constructive to understand that a misunderstanding occurred and to move on from there. He clearly stated that he did not want an exclusive relationship and she agreed to that. Him not reading her mind and knowing that she didn't mean what she said is not a miscommunication.
He isn't wrong, and my initial anger isn't there anymore. Obviously originally I was, but I knew I had no right to be. Now I'm more or less trying to decide if I want to bother - if he isn't interested. Thats why I asked to see if I could get an understanding of how he might be thinking - because I don't see it from his point of view.
I can answer this one more personally than my previous post. I have no idea if I'm interested in someone long term after only a month of dating. If I'm single, personally, I let it be known that I see and sleep with safely many partners at the same time.
As with your original mate, list three or more reasons why you have entered into this new relationship and how it will differ from the previous relationship. Some people will accept that as an excuse and some won't. He isn't wrong, and my initial anger here there anymore. You have every right to how you feel.
If that's a problem for anyone I'm dating, they leave before it reaches the bedroom, no hard feelings. But, that's the thing - it takes me a while to build a meaningful emotional connection, whereas sexually, if I feel chemistry for 1, 2, or 10 girls at the same time, and I'm single, and all of them are cool with me getting around as I am cool with them doing the samethen I will do what I do.
Leave the ball in his court? See, I only posted the above "personal take" because I thought it might shed some light into his mindset.