The Dating Den - Should you date a guy who is separated but not yet divorced?
The Need For Closure
I was a single Pastor for 13 years and I sometimes get asked questions that other Pastors are not asked simply because they think that my former marital status will change my perspective on the issue. One of those issues is dating while separated. What they don't realize is that I am a pastor that has made more than his fair. 4 Jun Whether Christian or not, some have asked us, “Is dating allowed during marriage separation?” Of course, I always tell them it's none of my business. However, I also realize the issue of dating during a marriage separation is a hot button issue, and so needs to be talked about in the church in an honest. 4 Aug Dear Andrea,. Seven months ago, I became involved with a woman whose husband had abandoned her. At first our relationship revolved around her heartbreak over her husband's actions. He had been unfaithful to her on at least two occasions. He had moved out of the house twice. â€¦ He had also.
I was a single Pastor for 13 years and I sometimes get asked questions that other Pastors are not asked simply because they think that my former marital status will change my perspective on the issue. One of those issues is dating while separated.
What they don't realize is that I am a pastor that has made more than his fair share of mistakes in my life. I don't just speak from a theoretical position concerning the issues that surround divorce and remarriagebut I speak from experience as well.
I have made the mistakes of trying to take shortcuts and they ended up just being another trip around the mountain spinning my wheels. So as I write this article, I just want to encourage you to take a deep breath, quiet your heart and emotions and listen to the still small voice of the Lord concerning this issue of dating while separated. Whether you call it dating, courting, or as I sometimes do, "Russian Roulette", the fact remains that people date in order to find a prospective mate.
Because it has this purpose, then it only goes to reason that both parties must be free to marry in order to date. Someone who is still married, even if they are separated, is not free to marry. They are bending the purpose of dating to their own emotional and possibly selfish desires. Because dating is a precursor to marriage and is part of the process that we use to find a prospective mate, it is only logical to take into consideration the value and esteem a person places upon marriage, even one that may be link towards divorce.
If they will not value the sanctity of marriage even though their own marriage may be failing, then they will not value the sanctity of marriage in their next marriage.
Myths about Christianity
Although a person may have emotionally detached from their marriage, and even if they are just waiting for the divorce to be final, the fact remains that it is not final and that finality is very important as I will get into later in this article. Dating while separated is extremely unwise at best, assuming there is no sexual involvement going on, including kissing and hand holdingand emotional adultery at worse.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. Especially during separation, people get caught up in needing to fill a void and often look to date to avoid feeling loneliness. Eventually, one of them realizes here have evolved to a deep emotional connection.
You are not keeping your vow to God to give yourself only to your spouse. Separation is not pre-divorce learn more here many see it today.
It is actually meant to be a time where both parties separate so they can have space and time to make a very important decision that will affect their life and the lives of those around them. It is not the time to be looking for the next person in your life. You are about to break your covenant with God and your spouse. It is supposed to be a time of deep introspection and gravity, instead of feeling "free and ready to play". When you treat this time in a flippant manner, it reveals the true condition of your heart because the heart of God is breaking.
Separation is to be the time where we give God time to work a miracle and save a marriage. If you clutter that time with other hearts and attractions you severely cloud the waters and make it obvious that you have no desire for reconciliation. Reconciliation may not always be possible, but do not make it impossible by your actions. Do not put yourself in the position of choosing between your spouse and your new love interest.
The real choice is between being married to your spouse or being single.
Trust me I know. I was single for 13 years. Divorce is the literal tearing of one couple into two separate entities. This is a spiritual, emotional, financial, and physical ripping apart of all that made the couple one.
Suggest a Verse
It has huge consequences on a person's life. They seriously more info wounded and needy in many ways. Damage to a person in this drastic of a manner takes a season of healing before they will be ready to marry. It doesn't happen overnight. Not only does it take a season of healing, but it takes a season of dealing with the issues that caused the divorce in the first place.
It takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to end a marriage. If you are dating while separated, you are not doing the things you need to be doing to heal up and deal with the issues that caused the divorce.
In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. You want confirmation from the Bible, so ask for it. She had to be firm and tell her ex-husband the truth about us and to let him go.
You are replacing one mate for another. You need to return to being single and embracing that before you ever seek a new spouse. You need to walk the process out to finality. While you are separated, there are many things up in the air. The final outcome is not decided yet. The consequences of your choices may not yet be felt. Things like finances, child custody, and just getting used to not having somebody around all the time. Until you have gotten to a place of finality and closure you are not ready to move on.
Is it OK to Date While Separated?
If you do it before then, then you are not bringing all who you are and will be to the table. You are bringing a broken person. Bringing a broken person into a new relationship is a recipe for disaster. Broken people break others. Take the time to honor your marriage vows to the end. Take the time to heal and become whole as a single Christian before you try to be united into one again with another. He is a husband, father, and grandfather. More Great Christian Articles.