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Why can't my wife satisfy me? | Daily Mail Online

22 Jul I have this small problem and I wonder if you could help me. I can't think of anything else. But there's this one problem. My wife tells me that she is not satisfied with our sex life. Whenever we have sex, she satisfied with your sexual interaction. Reaching sexual climax doesn't mean you had the best sex. 16 Apr Assuming that the sexual issues themselves cannot be solved, and that the frustrated partner is not willing to deny his or her needs, then the partners have to acknowledge that one of them can no longer get his or her basic needs satisfied within the relationship—and something has to change. Either the. My girlfriend and love of my life have been together for over 3 years and have known each other for much longer. Almost a year ago I broke down and told her that I wasn't happy with our sex life. For the first half of our relationship she was an enthusiastic lover and willing to try new things. She has seemed to lose all interest.

If people have needs which they are forbidden from satisfying outside the relationship, it is reasonable for them to expect those needs to be met within the relationship. But at the same time, we are understandably reluctant to tell people that they must do certain things in a relationship, even a generally accepted component of a committed adult relationship such as sexual relations.

But that post ended with the question that we will tackle now:. Does an absence of sex in a relationship justify adultery? Even for those who would answer yesthere are a few things to think about before committing to that conclusion.

A certain range of positions or activities? A certain level of enthusiasm or passion? Will a partner claim that adultery was justified, not because source an insufficient amount of sex, but because his or her partner refused to have sex in a certain way or place?

Are sexual needs that particular? Please trust that I do not ask this lightly: I think there would be serious disagreement on this issue, and that disagreement complicates the issue significantly. Maybe we should ask: What does it mean for a person to have his or her sexual needs satisfied?

I love spending time with her and taking her out. Bottom line is bro some women just don't get how sex is so important to men, AND she's got a low sex drive, so there you have it. I have been in a long-term sexless relationship where the withholding of sex was used as intentional emotional abuse.

To answer this, drawing another parallel with cheating will be useful. If this seems dictatorial, it should: Each person should have the right to dictate what he or she is willing to endure in a relationship, and the other partner can decide if he or she is fine with those restrictions. This also allows partners My Wife Doesn T Satisfy Me Sexually define what adultery means to themrather than adopting some general societal norm that may not apply to them in particular.

In other words, can we say that whatever a person feels he or she needs is what that person should expect from his or her partner? I would say yes: Each partner deserves to be made happy in the relationship, and to have his or her needs met, whatever they may be—especially when those needs cannot be met outside the relationship.

If both people are not having their basic needs, and their desires satisfied, there is a problem in the relationship, whether it is a result or cause of those frustrated needs.

Our original question was: In addition, adultery brings a third person into what is a problem between two, which may only aggravate whatever problem led to the breakdown in sex in the relationship in the first place. In the comments to my post " On 'The Pleasures of Adultery' and the Real Problem with It " which inspired this discussionI wrote that I hoped partners going through a period of no sexual activity would talk about the issue, and seek help if they needed it, instead of the frustrated partner quickly resorting to adultery and feeling it was justified.

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My wife doesn't satistfy me sexually anymore, now am afraid I might cheat

Readers responded emphatically that many couples struggle with this for a long time before one decides to cheat. I simply hope that, as my commenters wrote, couples experiencing this problem Click about it and try to work through it before one decides to damage the relationship further.

Assuming that the sexual issues themselves cannot be solved, and that the frustrated partner is not willing to deny his or her needs, then the partners have to acknowledge that one of them can no longer get his or her basic needs satisfied within the relationship—and something has to change. Either the relationship has to end, or the understandings within the relationship have to change to allow the frustrated partner to seek sexual fulfillment elsewhere.

Sometimes, however, neither of these options works for a couple. Financial, religiousor family issues may make it extremely difficult to end the relationship, and the partner who refuses sex also refuses to allow his or her partner to go outside the relationship to get it. What does the frustrated partner do when he or she has exhausted every other option? I think there's a difference between adultery and having an open marriage that is essential when trying to weigh the appropriateness of a spouse seeking other sex partners and that is communication.

In an open marriage, the terms of having sex outside the marriage are discussed and supposedly agreed upon by both parties. This is key for having any hope of maintaining a healthy relationship otherwise. Article source, aka cheating, violates trust. I think a lot of men and women do not understand the level of disrespect that comes with having sex outside their marriage without their spouse's knowledge or consent.

Not only are you going against the agreement that you would be monogamous, you are also exposing your spouse to health risks.

Why Your Wife Doesn't Seem To Want Sex Anymore

If sexual contact with your spouse is resumed after an affair, you may expose them to STDs that they have no awareness of needing to prevent or be screened for. Even if a condom was used, there is still risk, especially if oral sex was practiced without protection. If your need for sexual satisfaction exceeds your concern for the health and well-being for your partner, you should not be in a relationship with that person, regardless of other religious, financial, or familial obligations.

I agree with your comments, but they apply more to the situation where you have a willing and available spouse, not a long-term sexless marriage. As for violating trust, the point made many times in this thread is that shutting off your spouse long-term is perhaps an even bigger violation of trust. And once you've done that, you'd have to be an idiot not to expect that your spouse might go elsewhere -- hardly what I would think of as a violation of trust.

As for STD risk to your spouse from your adultery, that does also not apply in a long-term sexless marriage for obvious reasons. And if, as you suggest, sex is resumed after an affair, it's presumably because the dynamics of the relationship changed as a result of exposure of the affair, in which case STD testing is an obvious step. And in case the affair has ended and was not exposed, all I can say is that if a http://24dating.me/vygi/different-ways-to-suck-a-dick.php is already a long-term sexless marriage, it is not likely to resume simply because a secret affair was secretly ended.

Maybe It's Link Me, But I said only that there are some people -- perhaps not many, but some -- who are not be satisfied by sexual favors in which the other person wasn't fully engaged. If both people are not having their basic needs, and their desires satisfied, there is a problem in the relationship, whether it is a result or cause of those frustrated needs.

Agree with this assessment - the loss of trust from denying your spouse long-term is enormous, and it also applies when My Wife Doesn T Satisfy Me Sexually marriage is not-quite-sexless too.

The criteria that should apply is that serious harm is experienced which is only partly linked to frequency of sex, because it's really about intimacy and love. I think there is an onus on anyone who is sleeping with multiple partners to ensure safe sex, to use that as an argument against adultery in this case is smoke-screening. No, it is not smoke screening source say that STD risk is an issue for people with spouses who cheat, and the assumption that all that go outside of their marriages for sex know how to properly use protection and do so is naive.

Here's a summary of one recent study, and I assure you there is plenty of other supporting research where that came from, http: I was responding to the content of the article, where My Wife Doesn T Satisfy Me Sexually author mused quite a bit on the meaning to "sexless" and what qualifies as justification for seeking sex elsewhere. There is a lot of variability in relationships, and in some long-term sexless situations, there could certainly be cases where sexual contact was resumed and not well discussed.

It is smoke screening to act like poor communication and compatibility between partners is a justifiable reason for adultery. If you voice that your needs are not being met and your partner refuses to hear you out or suggest a compromise, you should exit the relationship, not sneak around and try and justify your feelings of entitlement. This is a psychology site, and the focus should be on encouraging healthy relationships and mental health.

You do have a choice when it comes to relationships.

My wife doesn't satisfy me sexually - Talk About Marriage

Change is hard, but respect yourself and the others around you by taking responsibility for your life. If you don't see any way out, see a therapist or contact a support group and they can probably help you find a way out. I have been in a long-term sexless relationship where the withholding of sex was used as intentional emotional abuse. It was painful, it was lonely, and I felt betrayed.

I was also repeatedly accused My Wife Doesn T Satisfy Me Sexually cheating by my partner, when I voiced see more sexual needs. It wasn't easy, but I left. I had to live with my ex for half a year after before I could move, but I assure you, it was worth it. Being single is so much better than being chronically rejected by a partner that is supposed to respect and love you.

I'd rather you left out the personal comments from this - which are in any case irrelevant because I never cheated and have reinvented my relationship. I personally do not think adultery in these circumstances is normally a good idea, but that is only on a practical level, not a moral one, and I've explained the reasoning behind that elsewhere.

And I happen to know several people for whom adultery in a sexless marriage jolly well is a healthy solution for them, for now. They are not bound by your assertions! You made the claim - not me - that "Adultery is not healthy for anyone involved". My Wife Doesn T Satisfy Me Sexually pointed out that was not true and provided counter-examples. We have no way of knowing the Benthamite calculus of benefit and harm for a particular couple, so using the potential risk of STDs as a sole criteria for assessment is absurd.

In particular, there may be zero risk for some couples because they are sexless. And in other circumstances, the couple might live to the end of their days with secrecy of the affair and no harm but much benefit accruing - we have no way of asserting that cannot happen.

I do not even see the necessity for ensuring there is no possibility of harm to the refusing spouse for whatever reason - because we are morally allowed to take proportionate action in self-defence. There is an onus on My Wife Doesn T Satisfy Me Sexually to minimise any harm of course, this is not a gratuitous revenge argument! Therefore your generic assertions do not survive.

I repeat, I do not think it is normally a good idea, but that does not mean I can categorically make that claim for others, as you do. I am not sorry if my comment made you uncomfortable.

Should I not talk about intimate partner abuse and its effects? Is that not practical in a situation when people are feeling their spouse is hurting them and using philosophy to justify their adultery? Should I ignore the fact that married women in some countries are at higher risk of AIDS that unmarried ones?

My Wife Doesn T Satisfy Me Sexually

Should I not challenge you to assert yourself in a respectful manner within relationships? Am I not allowed to share my lived experience like you have? Generalizations are all you can talk about in this type of format with a few anecdotes thrown in. Enjoy your carefully constructed and defended philosophical view on the matter of fidelity, but there is a real world out there where people's lives are devastated by the entitlement others feel towards their bodies.

It is a matter of health and ethics.

My Wife Doesn T Satisfy Me Sexually

That is why I shared the information about STDs, since it may actually educate someone else about the risks involved. I also hope that someone might feel inspired to escape from a relationship in which they feel trapped. Wow, you know some people that had fun cheating! They must have no emotional issues at all.

Your counter-examples are weak. My Wife Doesn T Satisfy Me Sexually have used that logic to justify marital rape when it comes to sexual needs. I think you are wrong, you can think you are right, but it won't change the fact that people are suffering in and from relationships where people don't have the communication skills, sense of safety, or ability to get their needs met in way that is respectful to those around them.

I repeat - I am not seeking to enter into personal comments here and you persist in doing so. Let me reiterate for the last time. I am not seeking personal comments and you persist in making them. These people are not having sex with their spouses.

Is or should there be a continued obligation to protect someone from emotional harm when they are harming you?